Welcome to the latest installment of the week’s funniest mom memes and tweets.
Please enjoy this collection of mom jokes, puns, memes, and regular old rants from some funny-as-hell mommas.
Alexa has this cool feature where if your kids have Baby Shark blasting at migraine level and you yell at it to turn the volume down, it automatically ignores you and turns it up even higher.
— Karen Disapproves | Chelsea K (@KDisapproves) December 5, 2022
Accidentally said ‘I love you’ to the crossing guard again today, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
— Emily ™ (@emily_tweets) December 14, 2022
Me: We are having tacos for dinner.
5: I forgot it was Tuesday!
Me: It’s Monday.
5 *dead serious*: That’s against the laws of Taco Tuesday.
— 🎁🎄Mommeh Cheerest🎄🎁 (@mommeh_dearest) December 12, 2022
Mention you've been binging true crime while slicing tomatoes with the biggest knife available to get out of hosting future dinner parties
— Tori (@ToriTheMom) December 11, 2022
Hey parents of multiple kids who celebrate Christmas,
Count your kids presents. I can guarantee you there’s one you bought more for because they are easy. And now you need to go shopping again so you have equal gifts for all.
“I had to do this” mom.
— Terri Fry (@momlikethat1) December 13, 2022
I took the kids out for the day so my husband could relax and apparently my husband’s interpretation of relaxing is relaxing and not doing 16 loads of laundry.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) December 14, 2022
I actually asked for a vacuum for Christmas but my husband laughed and told me he isn’t that stupid
— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) December 13, 2022
Me: Christmas is 11 days away!
4yo: *whispering to 2* Now we really have to be good!
— 3 Wild Rainbows (@wildrainbow2) December 14, 2022
Did I blame my husband for not being able to find the pyjamas I was already wearing? Yes. But did I then pretend I meant a different pair of pyjamas? Also yes.
— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) December 15, 2022
Me: 4, come over here please and help me clean up?
4: no thanks. I don’t really like cleaning up. I like corn on the cob.
— mom mom mom mom mom (@notmythirdrodeo) December 14, 2022
Kids have nothing to tell you unless you’re speaking to someone else.
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) December 13, 2022
My 3yo stays up past 11 if she naps for even 30 minutes, so I give her diet coke with lunch. Follow me for more parenting tips.
— Laura Marie (@lmegordon) December 15, 2022
Me: I am going to bed, it's eighty o'clock
Husband: I think you mean 8 o'clock??
Me, yawning: No, I am pretty sure it's eighty
— mean things I say to myself (@meantomyself) December 15, 2022
15- I can’t wait to be an adult so I can just do whatever I want all day
Me- *just returning from grocery shopping and on my way to the third school pickup line today* Yes, it’s simply magical
— Maryfairyboberry🧚🏻♀️ (@maryfairybobrry) December 12, 2022
10yo: Mom, can we have a “yes day”?
— Rhyming Mama (@sarabellab123) December 10, 2022
Parenting is needing your kids to be independent so they become great adults one day, while simultaneously loving how dependent on you they are. It’s confusing and exhausting.
— Satirical Mommy (@SatiricalMommy) December 13, 2022
I respect people who just toss their Christmas lights on the bushes and walk away, it’s like, you want lights? I’ll give you some fucking lights
— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) December 15, 2022
Why is my kid chasing me around the house calling me names and who taught him what meat flaps are
— Mom Jeans (@momjeansplease) December 13, 2022
Mom, what kind of animal has blue spots on him?
-my kid, wielding an open marker dangerously close to his brother's leg
— meghan (@deloisivete) December 13, 2022