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I don’t really have much to talk about this week. I mean, I do, but it would take a while and you’re just here for laughs.
So, on with the laughs.
Here are the funniest tweets and memes from parents this week.
I was finally able to answer a 5th grade math question without the help of Google. “Can you die from math?” Yes, son, you can.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) April 23, 2021
Since my son knows everything what should I ask him?
— Professional Worrier (@pro_worrier_) April 20, 2021
I've made my bed and I'd actually like nothing more than to lie in it.
— Rock the Kasbah (@MarieLoerzel) April 23, 2021
Every time a cashier asks if I found everything okay I lie and say yes just so there won't be more questions.
— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) April 21, 2021
i think like all mothers, all earth probably wants on her day is for everyone to clean their shit up and stop leaving all the damn lights on
— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) April 22, 2021
Sold my treadmill for a hundred bucks and spent it all on pizza.
— mommaunfiltered (@MommaUnfiltered) April 22, 2021
I could really go for a piñata right now. I'd love to beat the shit out of something, then have some candy.
— Desiree C. (@Disseeray) April 21, 2021
How is this hoodie falling apart, I swear I just bought it sixteen years ago.
— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) April 19, 2021
I have today off but my wife is working so if you need me I'll be spending the day sending her selfies of myself in various prone positions holding various alcoholic beverages
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) April 23, 2021
My wife set parental controls on Netflix because I watched a show without her.
— Dan Regan (@Social_Mime) April 22, 2021
My five year old taking a fistful of cash from my dresser and offering it to me as a bribe to buy him a new bike shows he understands absolutely nothing and absolutely everything about our financial relationship.
— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) April 21, 2021
Sometimes I like to play a game with my family called “I’m not making dinner, hope you can figure it out.”
And I’m the winner.
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) April 22, 2021
Was going to live tweet Mortal Kombat but then my kids would know I watched it without them
— Crockett🍀 (@CrockettForReal) April 23, 2021
Excused my freshman from school for a doctor's appointment through the school's website.
GODDAMNIT — you kids have no idea what it's like to convince your friend with the most adult-sounding voice to call you out.
— Julie Burton (@ksujulie) April 20, 2021
Between birthday, anniversary, Valentine’s Day, Mother’s Day, and Christmas I’ve got four, maybe five years of gift ideas left in me. It’s simply not sustainable.
— Average Dad (@Average_Dad1) April 23, 2021
I like my coffee iced.
I like my music 90s hip hop.
I like my friends real.
I like my jeans ripped.
I like my leggings high.
And I like my motherhood honest.
— Rachel Sobel (@whinecheezits) April 16, 2021
Hard to regain the trust of your family after you make everyone check under their cushions and the remote is under yours.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) April 22, 2021
If you close the doors to the messy rooms in your house and consider it “cleaning” then you are my people
— Go Ask Your Dad (@_goaskyourdad_) April 20, 2021
Worst side effect of the covid vaccine is that soon I’ll have to meet my mother in law
— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) April 22, 2021
You’d think my fave part of the day would be when I drop kids off at school, but no. My FAVORITE part is right after I inevitably have to run back to the school & deliver all the crap that was “in their backpack” but was actually still sitting on the couch, again
— MomTransparenting (@momtransparent1) April 21, 2021
If you ask me to read something out loud in front of people I immediately do not know how to read.
— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) April 22, 2021
I have a hangover and migraine. No alcohol was involved, I just rewatched all the episodes of 90 Day Fiance until 5AM and I am apparently too old to do such wild things now.
— Lazor (@Lazor2828) April 20, 2021
Sundays are great for family games. Like which kid can pick up the most weeds first
— Satirical Mommy (@MommySatirical) April 18, 2021
Why aren’t there any horror movies called “My 4 year old fell asleep in the car at 5pm”
— threetimedaddy (@threetimedaddy) April 21, 2021
Parenting pro tip- teach them to make the sad trombone noise when they’re disappointed so at least you can laugh a bit while you’re ruining their childhood
— mom mom mom mom mom (@notmythirdrodeo) April 23, 2021
Great Expectations is my favorite book about something you should never have
— Sweet Momissa (@sweetmomissa) April 23, 2021
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