Looking for funny dad jokes to crack up the family? Here’s a list of the great dad puns, one-liners, and jokes that you’ve probably never heard.
Looking for funny new dad jokes, puns, and one-liners? You’ve come to the right place.
You’re talking to an authority on the subject. Not only am I a dad but I’m the author of a clean joke book for kids.
It was a project that almost killed me. Figuratively, of course.
To finish the book, I spent months researching for the best jokes to put into the book.
Included in this list are just some of the best dad jokes that made it into the final book and a few more I wish I heard before the book went to press.
But before we get to these jokes that dads and kids will love, let’s discuss why people love dad jokes so much.
Why Do People Love Dad Jokes?
A good dad joke is characterized by its simplicity, harmlessness, and ability to elicit groans or chuckles.
At its core, a dad joke is a type of pun or wordplay often corny, predictable, and delivered with an endearing sense of self-awareness. Here are the key elements that make for a successful dad joke:
Dad Jokes are Simple
Dad jokes are usually short and to the point. They rely on simple language and everyday concepts, making them accessible to a broad audience.
This simplicity ensures that children and adults can easily understand the joke, enhancing its universal appeal.
They Involve Word Play and Puns
The essence of a dad joke lies in its clever use of language. Puns are a common feature, where words with multiple meanings or similar sounds are used to create humor.
For example, “I’m reading a book on anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down.” The humor arises from the playful manipulation of words and their meanings.
Dad Jokes Are Slightly Predictable
Part of what makes dad jokes endearing is their predictability.
Often, the punchline is something the listener can see coming, but the delivery seals the deal. The anticipation of the groan-worthy ending makes the joke enjoyable.
For instance, “Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts.”
The Jokes Are (Usually) Harmlessness
Dad jokes are inherently inoffensive and lighthearted.
They avoid controversial or sensitive topics, making them safe for social settings. Their harmless nature ensures that they can be shared without the risk of offending anyone, which is part of their charm.
The Delivery
The delivery of a dad joke is crucial. It’s often done with a straight face or a slightly exaggerated sense of seriousness, adding to the comedic effect.
The joke-teller’s enthusiasm and willingness to embrace the corniness of the joke can make it even funnier.
They’re Kinda Endearing
What ultimately sets dad jokes apart is their endearing quality. They often reflect a fatherly sense of humor—wholesome and embarrassing, but always with good intentions. This warmth and charm make dad jokes a beloved staple of family gatherings and everyday interactions.
A good dad joke is simple, pun-filled, predictable, harmless, well-delivered, and endearingly corny.
These elements combine to create timeless humor that is universally appreciated.
And now, onto the show…
Funny Dad Jokes You Might Not Know
My wife accused me of hating her family and relatives. I replied, “No, I don’t hate your relatives. In fact, I like your mother-in-law a lot better than I like mine.”
My friend keeps saying, “Cheer up, man. It could be worse. You could be stuck underground in a hole full of water.” I know he means well.
What is Beethoven’s favorite fruit? A ba-na-na-naaaa.
What do you call a man with a rubber toe? Roberto!
Did you hear the rumor about butter? I really shouldn’t be spreading it.
I just nicknamed my new phone “Titanic” so whenever it’s charging I can say “the Titanic is synching.”
A termite walks into a bar and asks, “Is the bar tender here?”
Did you hear about the circus fire? It was in tents!
My wife said I should do lunges to stay in shape. That would be a big step forward.
What do a tick and the Eiffel Tower have in common? They’re both Paris sites.
“My daughter screeched, “Daaaaaad, you haven’t listened to one word I’ve said, have you!?” “What a strange way to start a conversation with me.”
I told my son I’m named after Thomas Jefferson. He says, But dad, your name is Brian. I respond, I know, but I was named AFTER Thomas Jefferson.
Why don’t oysters share their pearls? Because they’re shellfish.
Why do chicken coops only have two doors? Because if they had four, they would be chicken sedans.
A woman is on trial for beating her husband to death with his guitar collection. The judge says, “First offender?” She says, “No, first a Gibson! Then a Fender.”
“I’ll call you later.” “Don’t call me later, call me Dad.”
“Why did the Clydesdale give the pony a glass of water? Because he was a little horse.”
My wife caught me standing on the bathroom scale, sucking in my stomach. Ha! That’s not going to help, she said. Sure, it does, I said. It’s the only way I can see the numbers.
How do you make a Kleenex dance? Put a little boogie in it.
A dad died due to us not being able to remember his blood type. As he died, he kept insisting that we “be positive”, but it’s hard without him.
Don’t trust atoms. They make up everything!
I’ve got a great pizza joke for you. Nevermind, it’s too cheesy.
Do you want a box for leftovers? No, but I’ll wrestle you for them.
WAITRESS: “Soup or salad?”
DAD:“I don’t want a SUPER salad, I want a regular salad.
Short & Funny Dad Jokes To Remember
Next, here are some short and funny jokes to unleash on the family.
What kind of shoes do ninjas wear? Sneak-ers
I’m afraid for the calendar. Its days are numbered.
What do a tick and the Eiffel Tower have in common? They’re both Paris sites.
Did you hear about the guy who invented Lifesavers? They say he made a mint.
How do you get a country girl’s attention? A tractor
Did you get a haircut? No, I got them all cut.
I stayed up all night wondering where the sun had gone. And then it dawned on me.
What do you call a factory that makes okay products? A satisfactory.
Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere.
- What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.
- Did you hear that new band Plastic? They mostly wrap.
- Want to hear a joke about construction? I’m still working on it.
- Where do you go to learn to make banana splits? Sundae school.
- Why did the math teacher call her student average? She was being mean.
- What’s brown and sounds like a bell? Duunnnnnnng.
- What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? Supplies!!
- Never kiss anyone on January 1st because it’s only the first date.
- Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two tired.
- 5/4 of people admit that they’re bad with fractions.
Great One-Liner Dad Jokes
Next, a great assortment of one-liners:
A guy walks into a bar…and he was disqualified from the limbo contest.
When two vegans get in an argument, is it still called a beef?
I wondered why the frisbee kept getting bigger and bigger, but then it hit me.
The car looks great but the muffler seems exhausted.
If a child refuses to nap, are they guilty of resisting a rest?
Just burned 2,000 calories. That’s the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.
My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo. I had to put my foot down.
RELATED: 100 Jokes For Kids Of Any Age
I went to buy some camo pants but couldn’t find any.
When life gives you melons, you might be dyslexic.
My therapist says I have a preoccupation for revenge. We’ll see about that.
People who use selfie sticks really need to have a good, long look at themselves.
I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down.
Two fish are in a tank. The fish fish says, “How do you drive this thing?”
I didn’t think orthopedic shoes would help, but I stand corrected.
I don’t suffer from insanity—I enjoy every minute of it.
Joke Books Every Dad Should Own
What’s Iron Man without the suit? Stark naked
If pronouncing my b’s as v’s makes me sound Russian, then Soviet.
I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I’ll let you know.
As a lumberjack, I know that I’ve cut exactly 2,417 trees. I know because every time I cut one, I keep a log.
I just had a near-sex experience. My wife flashed before my eyes.
What happens if the average number of bullies at a school goes up? The mean increases.
A girl approached me and said she recognized me from her vegetarian restaurant. I was a bit confused; I’d never met an herbivore.
What did 0 say to 8? Nice belt.
My wife is furious at our next-door neighbor who sunbathes topless in her backyard. Personally, I’m on the fence.
I think it’s a great idea to wear two different deodorants, one under each armpit. But that’s just my two scents.
20 Jokes For Dads Who Love A Good Pun
How do you throw a space party? You planet.
Why can’t towels can’t tell jokes? They have a dry sense of humor.
What is it called when you have too many aliens? Extraterrestrials.
Why can’t you take inventory in Afghanistan? Because of the tally ban.
I wanted to learn to drive a stick shift. Thing is, I couldn’t find a manual.
I tried to sue the airline for losing my luggage. I lost my case.
Will glass coffins be a success? Remains to be seen.
Who invented King Arthur’s Round Table? Sir Cumference.
Why was King Arthur’s army too tired to fight? All of those sleepless knights.
How do turtles communicate with each other? With shell phones.
A scarecrow says, “This job isn’t for everyone, but hay, it’s in my jeans.”
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He’s all right now.
Sausage puns are the wurst.
What’s America’s favorite soda? Mini soda
The Energizer Bunny went to jail. He was charged with battery
Do you know sign language? You should learn it. It’s pretty handy
What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.
What does a clock do when it’s hungry? It goes back for seconds.
How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.
My leaf blower doesn’t work. It just sucks
I’ve asked so many people what LGBTQ stands for. So far no one has given me a straight answer.
Why is the divorce rate so high with tennis players? To them, Love means nothing.
I started reading a horror story in Braille. Something bad is about to happen, I can feel it.
My wife blocked me on Facebook because I post too many bird puns. Well, toucan play at that game.
If you think swimming with dolphins is expensive, you should try swimming with sharks. It cost me an arm and a leg.
I’m trying to organize a hide-and-seek tournament. But good players are really hard to find.
“What’s the difference between a well-dressed man on a tricycle and a well-dressed man on a bicycle? Attire?”
“What do you call sweat boobs? Humiditties.”
More Places To Find Funny Dad Jokes
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- 45 Dad Jokes That Are Actually Funny
- 145 Dad Jokes That Will Have The Whole Family Laughing
- 150 Best Corny Dad Jokes Ever
- 150 Dad Jokes So Bad They’re Actually Hilarious
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Alright, I know you have one, so let’s hear it. Leave your best dad jokes in the comments, and if it makes me laugh, I’ll add it to the list.
Dad jokes that had me lol.
Wanna know what makes me smile? Faces muscles.
What leaves a bigger memory than a passionate kiss?
A stab wound.
What did the farmer say when he couldn’t find his tractor?
Where my tractor?
Why should you NEVER brush your teeth with your left hand?
Because a toothbrush works better.
What is red and bad for your teeth?
A brick.
These are great!
i caaaant lmaoo!
Why does the Norway navy have barcodes on the side of their ships?
So they can Scandinavian
A Priest, a Minister, and a Rabbit walk into the Blood Bank.
The guy asks the Priest,
“Ok, so what are you?”
The Priest says, “I’m type A negative. ”
The guy asks the Minister,
“Ok, so what are you?”
The Minister says, “I’m type B positive. ”
The guy asks the Rabbit
“Ok, so what are you?”
The Rabbit says, “I’m a type O. “
Three ropes are outside a restaurant and there is a sign that says “No ropes allowed” The first one says “I’m going to be brave!” so he walks in. But the chef throws him out. The second one says “I’m going to be brave too!” The same thing happens. But the third one says “I so tired of this!” So he ties himself in a knot and messes up his hair. He walks In, and the restaurant owner comes over and says “Are you another one of those stupid ropes!?” The third one says “I’m a frayed knot”😆
My 10 year old year old came up with this…
What do you call a cow with one leg?
A Beefstick
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