Welcome to the latest installment of the week’s 40 funniest dad memes and tweets.
Grab a seat and enjoy this collection of dad jokes, puns, memes, and rants from some funny AF dads.
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Marriage tip: Never interrupt your wife mid-conversation to tell her stuff like "Always check your tire pressure". Especially when she has a flat tire.
— My Life As Dad (@milifeasdad) March 15, 2024
Eating too much cake is the sin of gluttony.
However, eating too much pie is ok because the Sin of Pi is 0.
— PUNS (@ThePunnyWorld) March 15, 2024
When people tell me they can fall asleep in five minutes all I hear is blah blah blah blah blah I’m a monster.
— Not Today Eric (@NotTodayEric) March 15, 2024
my toaster has 2 settings:
– lightly toasted
– black dust somehow being held together in the form of bread— Dan Regan (@DanRegan_Comedy) March 15, 2024
I have reached that age where I harshly critique how the garbage man handles my trash cans.
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) March 15, 2024
My Kid: What’re we doing tomorrow?
Me: not sure
Kid: how about the day after that?
Me: uh
Kid: And the next day? And the next day? And the next…
(3min later)
Kid: …And the next day?
Me: I’m bad at making plans. I never know
Kid: and the next day?
Me: (weeps softly)
— Michael Vogel (@MichaelVogel1) March 10, 2024
There’s a little hole in the kitchen floor of the house we’re renting and I just caught my 4 y/o putting a piece of bagel in it. Apparently he’s been doing this “every day” since we moved in and then asked me if I wanted to try.
— Dadof2Boys (@Dadof2crazyboys) March 15, 2024
Thoughts and prayers for our kids dentist who told my wife to calm down this morning.
— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) March 14, 2024
My sister-in-law had her twins today and I think it’s interesting that they’re born on pi day and a pie is what brought them into existence. Did I do this tweet right?
— Dad Named Matt 🇺🇸 (@mahnamematt) March 14, 2024
Award for the best actor goes to my 8YO for her performance as the deprived, depressed and devastated child everytime she walks by a boba tea shop
— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) March 15, 2024
Hear me out. A dating app, but you don't get dates. You get cheese
— Stephen Lee (@StephenBaeFleek) March 6, 2024
me: Alexa can be used as a great learning tool.
my 9yo son: Alexa, make fart noises!
— Daddy Go Fish (@daddygofish) March 5, 2024
the voice in my head is an asshole.
— Dan (@dadopotamus) March 14, 2024
“Alright kids, let’s play a game called mommy and daddy are so tired. You play the game by leaving mommy and daddy alone. Whoever leaves us alone the most wins. It is possible to both win if you both leave us absolutely the f**k alone”
— Average Dad (@Average_Dad1) March 7, 2024
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