Welcome to the latest installment of the week’s 40 funniest dad memes and tweets.
Grab a seat and enjoy this collection of dad jokes, puns, memes, and rants from some funny AF dads.
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I asked my wife if she wanted me to plan our 5 year anniversary trip to NYC and she hasn’t stopped laughing.
— Dadof2Boys (@Dadof2crazyboys) April 18, 2024
Body: time to sleep.
Brain: hey that’s an interesting thought, here’s six billion more.
— Not Today Eric (@NotTodayEric) April 19, 2024
i was sitting my my usual empty parking lot eating my lunch and suddenly someone pulls in and parks NEXT to me. this must be the same person to goes into the stall next to you when there are 40 others open further away.
— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) April 18, 2024
It’s hump day! Which now means I fall asleep in a hump by 9. Yeah!
— Dad Bits (@DadBits) April 11, 2024
My daughter is interviewing with an ice cream shop. I told her that when they ask if she has any questions, she should say “Yeah, can you give me the SCOOP on what it’s like to work here?”
— McDad (@mcdadstuff) April 19, 2024
I'm in my 50s and I still run home every time I see the street lights come on
— Stephen Lee (@StephenBaeFleek) April 18, 2024
Coworker: you should get a dog. Dogs are fun
Me: I’m not a fan of the whole take-them-outside-to-use-the-restroom thing. It's too much work
Coworker: you have 3 kids. You’ve literally changed thousands of diapers
Me: and maybe I’m a little exhausted, Steve! Stop judging me!
— Michael Vogel (@MichaelVogel1) April 18, 2024
5 year old: poop and chocolate look alike but there are some important differences
Truly wise beyond her years
— Average Dad (@Average_Dad1) April 9, 2024
I don’t need google I have a wife.
— Dad Named Matt 🇺🇸 (@mahnamematt) April 12, 2024
I want someone to look at me like I look at the food that’s being delivered to me.
— Dan (@dadopotamus) April 18, 2024
[9yo won’t eat her Nutella bagel for breakfast]
Me: You’re the only person in the world that doesn’t eat Nutella!
9yo: How would know that?
Me: I know everything.
9yo: Who sang the first song in the world?
Me:
— My Life As Dad (@milifeasdad) April 18, 2024
I have a friend who is a meteorologist.
When he wants to hang out I tell him there's a 100% chance I'll be there and then I don't show up.
— Dan Regan (@DanRegan_Comedy) April 18, 2024
I'm trying to remember what the French word for white is…
But my mind keeps going blanc.
— PUNS (@ThePunnyWorld) April 17, 2024
I love when my Apple Watch congratulates me for reaching an exercise goal when I’m doing something like walking to the ice cream place.
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) April 17, 2024
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