Welcome to the latest installment of the week’s 40 funniest dad memes and tweets.
Grab a seat and enjoy this collection of dad jokes, puns, memes, and rants from some funny AF dads.
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not to brag or anything but I can make my wife angry just by letting out a deep breath.
— Dan (@dadopotamus) May 16, 2024
I heard someone call Twitter the junk drawer of the internet so congratulations everybody.
— Not Today Eric (@NotTodayEric) May 17, 2024
Alien: why are we doing this
Predator: I don’t even know
[they hug]
— Adam (@YSylon) May 16, 2024
Why lose weight when you could just buy a new shirt?
— SD (@StupiDucker) May 16, 2024
If you like having your days ruined before 6 am parenting may be for you.
— Dadof2Boys (@Dadof2crazyboys) May 15, 2024
The whole “blow our seeds all around and maybe you will be granted a wish” thing was absolutely brilliant marketing from dandelions
— Average Dad (@Average_Dad1) May 17, 2024
Not to brag, but I select “Forgot Password” at least once a day
— McDad (@mcdadstuff) May 16, 2024
My fitness device didn't pick up and track my 1 hour workout at the gym tonight but it did pick up a "workout" from 8:16 to 8:35 pm tonight.
I was eating Taco bell.
— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) May 17, 2024
My 6yo was upset this morning but refused to talk about it. As she was being dropped off at school, she decided to speak up by saying and I quote, “I go to school too much, and it bothers me.”
— My Life As Dad (@milifeasdad) May 15, 2024
I remember a time when our most advanced AI was an animated paperclip.
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) May 17, 2024
*10 mins before we have to leave for school
Me: Wake up, have to go
14yo: But I already ate breakfast
— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) May 14, 2024
Every day at work I feel like one of those wrestlers they’d throw out there against Andre the Giant
— LL Gabagool Jay (@JayTorch1031) May 17, 2024
My karate instructor just died. Gonna fight a candle in his name
— Stephen Lee (@StephenBaeFleek) May 10, 2024
I can either smile in a photo or act natural.
I can't do both.
— Dan Regan (@DanRegan_Comedy) May 15, 2024
Boss – Do you think you can come in on Saturday?
I know you enjoy your weekends but I need you here.Me – Yeah, no problem. I'll probably be late though as public transport on weekends is slow.
Boss – What time will you get here?
Me – Monday.
— PUNS (@ThePunnyWorld) May 16, 2024
Getting my kid ready for her Girl Scouts trip to a horse farm
Wife: get your hair in a pony tail before you go
Kid: why do I have to do that?
Me: it’s a sign of good faith for the other ponies
Kid:
Me: it shows that you’re one of them and helps gain their trust
— Michael Vogel (@MichaelVogel1) May 12, 2024
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