Welcome to the latest installment of the week’s funniest dad memes and tweets.
Grab a seat and enjoy this collection of dad jokes, puns, memes, and rants from some funny AF dads.
Is anybody else at the point where their bladder is now their alarm clock?
— Dan Regan (@Social_Mime) May 26, 2023
I just WD-40’d like every door in the house. Then I sprayed some on my wife and kid so maybe they’d stop squeaking too
— McDad (@mcdadstuff) May 24, 2023
I asked my 6yo if he liked the pancakes I’d cooked for him and he said “yeah, they’re not horrible like the ones you made last time!”
— Kevin The Dad (@kevinthedad) May 23, 2023
What's the difference between Boba Fett and a time machine operated by Marty McFly?
One's a Mandalorian, and the other's a manned DeLorean.
— PUNS (@ThePunnyWorld) May 25, 2023
Was supposed to pick my mom up from Logan Airport today but her flight has been delayed and won't arrive until 11 PM so I guess mom is sleeping in baggage claim tonight.
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) May 24, 2023
Lional Richie let the world know that he played no active role in raising babies or toddlers when he released the song, “Easy Like Sunday morning.”
— NicholasG (@Dad_At_Law) April 16, 2023
My wife is the master of reframing something bad to make herself look good. Last night she fell asleep when we were watching a movie together and when I brought it up she said it was because she’s “very talented at sleeping”
— Dad Pickup Line (@dadpickupline) May 19, 2023
Me and the wife were talking about people cheating on spouses and what not and the inevitable came up where she was like “you ever thought about it?” And I quoted Al bundy saying “why go out for milk when you got the cow at home” and lemme tell y’all she did not find that funny.
— Dad Named Matt 🇺🇸 (@mahnamematt) May 24, 2023
I've started giving my sons chores that I know they will do, such as:
"Ignore the dishes in the sink"
"Starve the plants until they die"
"Never come out of your room"
So far, they're crushing it
— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) May 22, 2023
Restaurants that offer “build your own” menu items, I didn’t come here to do any work.
— Dude-Bro Dad (@thedadvocate01) May 24, 2023
I used to be the coolest kid in the 90s with a Windows 3.1 desktop. Now I have people on the train telling me that my phone’s flashlight is on
— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) May 20, 2023
[Rapunzel, letting down her hair]: "IT SMELLS HELLA GROSS I HAVENT WASHED IT IN A MINUTE MY DUDE"
— 🍁Graham Kritzer (@GrahamKritzer) May 23, 2023
all stores should have bathrooms in the front AND the back. the chances my kid will use the conveniently placed front bathroom when we first walk in are 0. The chances he'll want to use one is when we're 2 miles in the back of the store is 100.
— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) May 25, 2023
My 8yo’s baseball team was eliminated from the playoffs and everyone was pretty bummed… well, except for all the players because they got popsicles.
— Daddy Go Fish (@daddygofish) May 19, 2023