Welcome to the latest installment of the funniest dad memes and tweets of the week.
Just a quick “please and thank you” request this week – please subscribe to my YouTube channel.
I need to hit 100 subscribers, and then I can change the URL to my website name and not have to tell people my YT channel URL is “UCFurvPT….”
Please enjoy this collection of dad jokes, puns, memes, and rants from some funny AF dads.
My daughter randomly professed during dinner, “I wish I could remember things I learned in school as much as I remember movie quotes,” and I think 5th Grade is just too darn early to show the signs of being middle-aged.
— NicholasG (@Dad_At_Law) July 28, 2022
Once you realize kid spelled backward is dik, it makes sense why children can be such jerks.
— A Bearer Of Dad News (@HomeWithPeanut) July 27, 2022
Moms used to threaten kids with “I brought you into this world, I can take you out” and the “take you out” never meant to dinner and I was just hungry
— Crockett🍀 (@CrockettForReal) July 27, 2022
Things that my kids decided we needed in an already fully roadtrip-prepped van:
– more crayons
– more pencils
– a pencil sharpener
– permanent markers
– a mylar balloon
— Xennaissance Dad (@XennDad) July 23, 2022
Wife: Look at our neighbor taking his kids out biking. Why can't you do that?
Husband: I can do that, but are you sure you want me to take his kids?
— My Life As Dad (@milifeasdad) July 27, 2022
Hell hath no fury like a mother who sees her child use the fancy napkins reserved only for the guests
— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) July 26, 2022
To the person we'll sit next to on the plane tomorrow and will be forced to hear everything my daughter has ever thought about anything ever, I'm sorry and you're welcome
— Adam Gaylord 🌻🐛🍻 (@AuthorGaylord) July 28, 2022
I always double-check our garage door is closed at night. I don’t want someone stealing all the stuff we’ve been trying to get rid of for years.
— McDad (@mcdadstuff) July 28, 2022
Last week my son asked me why we don't just call them 'water hydrants' and I still don't have an answer for him.
— 🍁Yukon Gold (@GrahamKritzer) July 25, 2022
I don’t wanna rock and roll all night anymore. An hour is fine. Two tops.
— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) July 26, 2022
My wife and I have an agreement that whoever is driving controls the radio, unless I'm driving.
— Dan Regan (@Social_Mime) July 28, 2022
My 5yo asked why I didn’t say “happy Friday” to one of the parents I saw on the way to school and I told him it was because it’s not Friday
— Kevin The Dad (@kevinthedad) July 28, 2022
I dont need glasses, they’re just making road signs smaller now
Passenger: That’s a billboard, and the road is over there
— Mike (@Parentpains) July 28, 2022
Thinking about childhood fishing trips with my dad and how his ice chest ratio was always like 12 beers to 1 soda. Makes so much more sense now that I have kids of my own.
— Daddy Go Fish (@daddygofish) July 28, 2022
When I hear the word “robust,” I immediately picture an android with huge knockers
— ADHDean (@ADHDeanASL) July 28, 2022
Me: Somewhere, out there, is a person named “Potential Spam” who is wondering why all his calls are being ignored.
Therapist: I’m going to need to charge you double for this session.
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) July 28, 2022