Welcome to the latest installment of the funniest dad memes and tweets of the week.
I’m taking my kids to the beach today.
This always feels like a good idea until the day arrives. I realize I’m unprepared. Probably because I pack as though we’re going to war and not the ocean.
“WE NEED MORE FRUIT SNACKS! WHAT IF YOU MAKE FRIENDS?!? LIVES WILL BE LOST!! Ok…maybe not lives, but friendships.”
Please enjoy this collection of dad jokes, puns, memes, and rants from some funny AF dads.
Runner dad at the park: guess how many miles I ran this morning?
My 7yo: I don’t know, 30 million?
Him: No, 12
7yo: Oh. Well keep working on it. Never give up!
— Daddy Go Fish (@daddygofish) July 6, 2022
We are at the point in this family vacation where we are yelling at the kids to have a good time.
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) July 7, 2022
Hey girl are you 4th of July fireworks cause I lost a few fingers inside you
— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) July 4, 2022
When someone is talking and they’ve set up the perfect dad joke and you’re just waiting for them to shut up so you can drop it.
— McDad (@mcdadstuff) July 6, 2022
I wish my kids are as committed to turning off the lights as they are at forcing their way into my bathroom to say “You’re eating my Kit Kats!”
— My Life As Dad (@milifeasdad) June 29, 2022
"this land is your land, this land is my land" but it's just my kid refusing to get out of the parade route until he's grabbed every last piece of candy
— Xennaissance Dad (@XennDad) July 4, 2022
Hopscotch was originally invented by frustrated parents who found sport in navigating scattered children’s toys and piles of clothes without tripping.
— NicholasG (@Dad_At_Law) July 7, 2022
Texted my wife that our 4-year-old jumped rope for the first time. Later, she came home & said to him, "I heard you jumped rope today?"
He replied, "How did you hear me do that? You were at work!"
— A Bearer Of Dad News (@HomeWithPeanut) July 7, 2022
I don’t nap; I do a daily hard reset
— ADHDean (@ADHDeanASL) July 7, 2022
My 5 year-old son asked me to flex my biceps. I did and he laughed and said "no daddy for real". I flexed even harder to the point where a bead of sweat rolled down my face and he got visibly annoyed and said "dad stop, do it for real." Then we both kind of stared at each other.
— 🍁Yukon Gold (@GrahamKritzer) July 5, 2022
[Joining outlaw biker gang]
Me: I’m such a rebel now
Members: This is a bicycle club, and where is your spandex
— Mike (@Parentpains) July 7, 2022
Remember the Etch A Sketch commercial with kids drawing masterpieces but you were only able to draw stairs?
— Dan Regan (@Social_Mime) July 7, 2022
My 7 month old loves when we read books to her but she loves eating the books even more
— Kevin The Dad (@kevinthedad) July 7, 2022
Watching my kids not eat their vegetables on vacation is much better than not watching them eat them at home.
— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) July 8, 2022