Here are this week’s dad jokes, mom puns, funny tweets, memes, and plain old rants from other parents.
Imagine being rich enough that you don’t have to watch YouTube videos every time something in your house breaks.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) February 17, 2022
11 y/o daughter held out a handful of marbles to me and said, “Here you go,” so I took one and she cried, “I’m losing my marbles!” So now we’re shopping for some cargo shorts and New Balance shoes to complete her dad transformation.
— NicholasG (@Dad_At_Law) February 18, 2022
As a teen: hiding in the shed, secretly drinking.
As a dad: hiding in the shed, secretly drinking.
— Daddy Go Fish (@daddygofish) February 17, 2022
an ice cream truck that drives around in the winter selling kids gloves and boots and hats and snow pants and whateverelsetheylost that day
— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) February 16, 2022
God grant me the audacity of my 5 year old walking out of the kitchen eating an ice cream sandwich and then asking me if she can have it.
— Marissa 💛💚 (@michimama75) February 17, 2022
Sometimes I'm really happy I decided to have kids and other times I'm not calculating my tax deductions.
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) February 17, 2022
My 5yo told me she thinks I’m turning 50 tomorrow.
I’m turning 34.
— Professional Worrier (@pro_worrier_) February 17, 2022
Apologies to my husband for the things I muttered about him when I thought he’d finished my chocolate
— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) February 16, 2022
1st snow: let's play in the snow!
2nd snow: let's watch movies about snow.
3rd snow: let's move.
— Laura Marie (@lmegordon) February 17, 2022
“I can’t fall asleep… I think it’s because I’m talking”
– my 5yo, at 3am, not wrong
— Snarky Mommy (@SnarkyMommy78) February 18, 2022
You ever look at your child and wonder how so much barf can come from such a small person
— Mom Meh Dearest🤦🏼♀️ (@mommeh_dearest) February 18, 2022
3hrs sleep + grumpy ass kids = me day drinking.
— 3 Wild Rainbows (@wildrainbow2) February 18, 2022
Hell hath no fury of a teen who finds you in bed when they want you to make their lunch before school.
— Lara 🌏⬇️🐨 (@Eithercryingor) February 16, 2022
I ruined my kids' day because I packed the wrong sandwiches in their lunch boxes. So apparently you can ruin someone's day with food.
— KJ (@IDontSpeakWhine) February 17, 2022
Them: You look tired
Me: That's my secret…
Me: I'm always tired
— MDMRN (@MDMRN) February 18, 2022
Me: ok so I got my dream job, now when is my dream man gonna come along?
— Sweet Momissa (@sweetmomissa) February 17, 2022
Son: I watched a guy do 50 sit-ups in a row. Can you do that, Dad?
Me: Of course. Hell, I could probably watch someone do 100 pushups
— The Dad (@thedad) February 18, 2022
if you aren't threatening to throw your kids through walls, windows and doors daily because of their actions and attitudes are you even a parent?
— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) February 17, 2022
3: that hurts
hubs: aw, buddy, if I’m doing something that hurts, just say stop and I’ll stop
3: do it to my sister
— mom mom mom mom mom (@notmythirdrodeo) February 18, 2022
WrestleMania, but it’s just me trying to change a diaper
— Kevin The Dad (@kevinthedad) February 17, 2022
My toddler sure does scream and cry a lot for someone who doesn’t have any bills to pay.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) February 17, 2022
passion fruit: i had a wild date last night, what did you do?
jackfruit: oh nothing
— Xennaissance Dad (@XennDad) February 18, 2022