“Are you going to tell your dad what happened in school today?”
I only stopped by the ex-wife’s house to drop off my son’s watch. By the phrasing of her question and my son’s puzzled expression, I assumed I’d have to play “stern dad” for a few minutes.
“Which part?” he asked, still not sure what his mom was talking about.
“Tell him what your teacher said about him.”
Oh crap.
“Oh!” suddenly remembering, “she said you’re famous.”
Double oh crap.
“And my entire class heard her, and they all looked you up and found your Instagram.”
Triple crap with sprinkles.
“And my friend found my baby picture on your account and made the photo his profile photo in Google Classroom.”
Their mom and I gave each other a look because we both knew this day would come, and the day finally arrived.
“I’m sorry, buddy. I don’t want anyway to make fun of you….”
“No way,” he interrupted, “My entire class thinks I have a famous dad, and that’s awesome.”
I had a statement prepared for this occasion, knowing one day my kids or their friends or other parents would eventually discover my not-so-secret online identity.
“What I’m about to say goes for the both of you.” Both kids gave me a look they typically flash when they know dad is serious. I guess I looked serious at the moment.
“If you don’t want to be a part of what I do online, you have the right to say no. If I ever say anything in a video or note that hurts you, please tell me, and I’ll take it down. People don’t have to know anything you don’t want them to know.”
Neither kid hesitated to reply.
“I love doing videos with you!” my daughter explained. I had a feeling that would be her response. My son said he liked being in videos too.
I felt a massive rush of relief. Both kids hugged me and retreated to their rooms.
I don’t care if the kids think I’m social media famous. I only care that they know how much I love them.
I drove home with a huge grin on my face. After the drop-off, I planned to run errands but noticed either Chick-Fil-A sauce or cat vomit on my sweatshirt and ran home to change.
Ah, the life of the insanely famous. Never a dull second.
****
OTHER STUFF I DID ON INSTAGRAM
Who else remembers these commercials?
I could watch this guy for hours.
OTHER STUFF I DID ON TIKTOK
I mean I’m flattered but that’s bullshit.
@chris_illuminati I mean I’m flattered but no way. 🤣#LaysGoldenDuet #AVrboForTogether #fypシ
@chris_illuminati Self care. Try it. ❤️ #LaysGoldenDuet #AVrboForTogether #AlaskaAirCAREoke
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STUFF I DID THAT YOU MIGHT HAVE MISSED
- 50 Funniest Parenting Memes + Tweets This Week
- I Accidentally Deleted A Year’s Worth of Work – Here’s What You Can Learn From My Mistake
- Note #806 – Crafty
- Note #805 – Horseplay
- Note #804 – Seniority
That’s all I’ve got, kids. Please do me a favor and subscribe to the website and never miss an update. Ever.
And if you haven’t checked out my line of customized Post-It Notes with 3M, you should do so immediately!
I love you all.
Except you, Greg. Screw you.
– Chris
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