Let’s talk about purchasing big-ticket household items like couches, desks, and desk chairs.
I moved last October. I trashed my old desk. It was falling apart at the screws. I sold my old desk chair. One less item to move.
I moved into this place, measured the area where my desk and chair would live, and went shopping for the best options.
Six months later and both are awful. The desk is too small and allows for zero legroom and the chair is beyond uncomfortable.
I’m not surprised by either of these facts because consumers are given about 10-15 minutes to size up and test items that will stick around for years.
How have humans not come up with a better way to buy furniture? I’m proposing that customers be allowed to live inside a store for at least 24 hours.
We should be allowed to hang out in stores, nap on couches and chairs, work at displayed desks, eat at dining room tables, and test items for a significant period of time. Let’s make furniture showrooms a shared living space or co-working space.
Someone, please tell Elon Musk that Mars blew up and this is his new passion project.
Anyway, please enjoy this collection dad jokes, mom puns, funny tweets, memes, and regular old rants from parents just like us that I collected while sitting in my awful desk chair at my too-small desk. And never say that I don’t make sacrifices.
My daughter in the alcohol aisle of the grocery store: OH GREAT WE’RE BUYING MOM JUICE AGAIN
— Katie D (@KatieDeal99) April 19, 2022
Everyone talks about the Terrible 2's, no one mentions the Asshole 3's or the Fuck off 4's.
— 3 Wild Rainbows (@wildrainbow2) April 18, 2022
I’m nice, but not fake an orgasm nice.
— Emily ™ (@emily_tweets) April 21, 2022
Starting the day off with an early-morning game of “Seriously, What’s That Smell?”
— Mediocre Mom (@MediocreMamaa) April 15, 2022
We used to look at my mom like she was crazy when she’d scream at us but now I know this is the only way children can hear you.
— @love.you.memeit (@LMemeit) April 20, 2022
My kid’s superpower is that on weekends at 6am she transforms from a 35lb girl into a 5000lb elephant
— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) April 17, 2022
If you don’t approve of my use of the term “crotch goblins” when referencing my children then we can’t be friends.
— Professional Worrier (@pro_worrier_) April 21, 2022
FYI – definitely don’t search “why is my kid itching” in the middle of the night because you will for sure find one small statement and then obsess that your kid has some rare form of cancer and not sleep the rest of the night.
— Momsense Ensues (@momsense_ensues) April 21, 2022
Easter egg hunts are toddler versions of Friday Night lights. Clear eyes, full buckets, can't lose. "DON'T FORGET YOUR BLOCKING SWEETHEART!"
— The REAL Messy Mom (@TheREALMessyMom) April 16, 2022
I’m not saying it was his favorite thing about our vacation, but on the way out my 7yo gave our hotel’s vending machine a big hug and said “Bye Vendy, I’ll miss you so much.”
— Daddy Go Fish (@daddygofish) April 17, 2022
Accidentally used my kids' toothpaste this morning & now I can’t stop asking “why” every time my wife speaks to me
— A Bearer Of Dad News (@HomeWithPeanut) April 22, 2022
I asked 5 how school was and she said Freya hid behind the bathroom door and yelled “BOO” so loud when Louie walked in he fell back into the toilet and Freya laughed so much she peed herself and had to wear pirate trousers from the dress up box for the rest of the day
— MumInBits (@MumInBits) April 20, 2022
Self preservation is the 1% we parents keep from our kids so we don't get swallowed up entirely
— Lara 🌏⬇️🐨 (@Eithercryingor) April 21, 2022
welcome to adulting. you now get angry at the color of peoples houses and front door when you drive by them.
— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) April 21, 2022
If a car leaves the garage for school at 7am and travels an average of 45 mph for 15 minutes, how many teen drama stories will you hear?
— McDad (@mcdadstuff) April 21, 2022
Sure, string theory is complicated, but have you ever tried to follow the friend drama of a bunch of 7th grade girls?
— SpacedMom (@copymama) April 21, 2022
My daughter made dinner for us and after we sat down to eat and started chatting, she interrupted the conversation to say, “That’s great, can we celebrate me and my dinner now?” At age 10 she’s about to learn the thanklessness of being a parent.
— NicholasG (@Dad_At_Law) April 21, 2022
Don’t turn the Turn the radio
volume down! volume down!
Then I can’t I can’t see where
see my iPad! I’m going!
— mom mom mom mom mom (@notmythirdrodeo) April 19, 2022
My 5yo has started asking difficult questions like “what do you hate the most in the world” and “how do mermaids poop”
— Kevin The Dad (@kevinthedad) April 20, 2022