The cat is a massive pain in the ass.
When he’s not vomiting in the middle of the night or executing an early morning excavation project in the litter box, the dude is up my crack.
Every time I get up to go to the kitchen, he’s behind me.
Every time I get up to go the bathroom, he’s on top of me.
I took this photo in the middle of a stare-down. You can figure out what I was doing at that moment. Zero privacy.
He’s constantly tripping me, knocking stuff over, tracking litter all over the house, trying to jump into the tub during a shower, and generally just getting on my last goddamn nerve.
He truly is my oldest child. He’ll turn 15 at the end of the month. The youngest is already planning his “Sweet 16” party for next year. I told her he might not live to see another year because I might murder him.
Then I had to explain I was only kidding.
NOTES YOU MIGHT HAVE MISSED
- Note #816 – Praise
- Note #815 – Uproarious
- Note #814 – Delayed
- Note #813 – Rendezvous
- Note #812 – Preparation
- Note #811 – High Noon
STUFF I DID ON YOUTUBE THAT YOU MIGHT HAVE MISSED
STUFF I DID ON INSTAGRAM THAT YOU MIGHT HAVE MISSED
STUFF I DID ON TIKTOK THAT YOU MIGHT HAVE MISSED
@chris_illuminati #stitch with @who_is_jbo1 said what I said #ScreamItOut #foodtiktok #hottake ♬ original sound – Chris Illuminati617
@chris_illuminati You’re gonna look at me and tell me I’m wrong?!? #live #TurboTaxAndRelax #fypシ #awkward ♬ Blue Blood – Heinz Kiessling & Various Artists
That’s all I’ve got, kids. Please do me a favor and subscribe to the website and never miss an update. Ever.
And if you haven’t checked out my line of customized Post-It Notes with 3M, please do so immediately!
I love you all.
Except you, Greg. Screw you.
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