Is everyone ready for summer? I’m not but I’m never ready for anything.
I’ll be ready for summer around late August. It’s an annual tradition.
Anyway, speaking of summer, another reminder about the special deal I’m doing with Manscaped. Summer is coming and so is Father’s Day and 20% OFF and Free Shipping just by following this link is pretty badass. Just saying.
Alright, let’s laugh.
Our 16-yr old, who has been at his new job for three weeks, has given his two-week notice because the air conditioning doesn't work in there.
I fear he has inherited my work ethic.
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) June 3, 2021
My wife has no intention of ever sharing her blanket and yet every morning she asks me to help her spread it over the entire bed
— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) May 28, 2021
hey people with no kids I’d love to hear what you think about parenting
— Vision Bored (@VisionBored1) June 4, 2021
Me: Aw, man! All of our pots are in the dishwasher and I need one
My kid: Sounds like the world is REALLY out to get you *hard eye roll *
— Deena Lang (@itsdeenalang) June 3, 2021
11 made progress hitting the softball tonight and when I asked her what happened she said, “You told me to stay in the box, don’t be afraid and if you get hurt, we’ll just go to the hospital.”
That may be both the best and worst life advice I’ve ever given.
— NicholasG (@Dad_At_Law) June 4, 2021
I’ll mow another dads yard while he’s still in bed, Idgaf, that’s my grass now
— Crockett🍀 (@CrockettForReal) June 4, 2021
Sleep training, sponsored by melatonin
— Satirical Mommy (@SatiricalMommy) June 4, 2021
It sure would be nice if I didn’t have to say, “I told you so,” to my children every day.
— Rhyming Mama (@sarabellab123) June 4, 2021
Call me old fashioned, but I like my privacy.
— Rock the Kasbah (@MarieLoerzel) June 3, 2021
Apparently when playing Hide-and-Seek with your kids you’re not allowed to get in the car and drive somewhere else to hide.
— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) June 2, 2021
7 year old: Mummy said she had a double chin, but I told her she has nothing to worry about.
Me: You… did?
7yo: She just has one chin and the rest is just skin from her big neck, so she doesn’t really have two chins.
— threetimedaddy (@threetimedaddy) May 28, 2021
Welcome to Parenthood.
You’re not as laidback as you think you are.
— Not the Nanny (@not_thenanny) June 3, 2021
10-year-old me: When am I ever going to use long division in real life?
34-year-old-me: (opening daughter's backpack) Oh, you son of a bitch.
— Julie Burton (@ksujulie) June 2, 2021
Listen, I just watched a group of Bravo housewives fight like hell with each other WHILE eating and not missing a single forkful of food and now I have a new skill I need to hone.
— Rachel Sobel (@whinecheezits) May 31, 2021
My wife taught Alexa to sigh when I ask her a question.
— Dan Regan (@Social_Mime) June 3, 2021
I love putting on a pair of cargo shorts from last summer and finding a grill brush in the pocket.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) June 4, 2021
Kids: Yay! Summer break!
Me: Whoa! Not so fast. Let me introduce to you…..THE GREAT SUMMER CHORE CHART OF 2021!
*3 kids faint, 1 runs away*
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) June 3, 2021
I forgot to pick up a bag of salad at the grocery store so I had to improvise and throw $5 in the garbage.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) June 2, 2021
parenting confession: just because i have my own kids doesn’t mean i want to hold or look at eighty pictures of yours
— That Mom Tho 🏳️🌈 (@mom_tho) June 4, 2021
i couldn't figure out why i've had a headache all day until I heard 8 and 6 arguing about who remembered more about the emoji movie.
— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) June 3, 2021
By all means make sure to pick up all the overtime possible, never use your vacation/sick days and then at the end of your life you can fondly remember the years you spent breaking yourself for an employer that took their vacations and replaced you without a second thought
— Maryfairyboberry🧚🏻♀️ (@maryfairybobrry) June 3, 2021
I tried therapy but found that relaxing on a beach by myself with a drink was much more helpful
— Sweet Momissa (@sweetmomissa) May 28, 2021
I don’t mean to brag but I had to collect some antibiotics today and I didn’t even ask the pharmacist if they had any unclebiotics instead
— threetimedaddy (@threetimedaddy) June 2, 2021
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