Parents are funny as hell.
These tweets and memes back up that statement.
With homeschooling still happening across the country, most states still shut down, and the summer still in limbo, parents have a lot to agonize over – and make jokes about.
Way better than dad jokes – here are the funniest tweets, memes, and jokes from parents this week.
My brain: Hey, remember that episode of Flavor of Love when a chick pooped on the stairs?
— Mommy Meme Jeans (@mommymemejeans) May 5, 2020
When stores open back up I will be asking for the teacher discount from anywhere that offers it.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) May 5, 2020
Face down, ass up but it's just me trying to get the peanut m&m's I dropped on the floor.
— Moderately Mom (@momtribevibe) May 6, 2020
My toddler started crying because he was thirsty and we didn’t have what he wanted to drink. Because the thing he wanted to drink were his own tears.
His. Own. God. Damn. Tears.
— WTFDAD (@daddydoubts) May 8, 2020
Bob Ross painting Quarantine:
Some happy little Clorox bottles, with a murder hornet here, and let’s just finish it off with an empty bank account for the background.
— The Vagina Diary (@thevaginadiary) May 7, 2020
I don’t care that these kids are 11 and 9 we are instituting nap time in this school.
— Professional Worrier (@pro_worrier_) May 7, 2020
Oh, good. Murder hornets. Just what 2020 was missing.
— Amanda Marcotte | Mediocre Mommy (@storiesofamom) May 2, 2020
Shout out to my body fat for sheltering in place.
— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) May 2, 2020
I gave my 3-year-old three m&ms to have. Without rhyme or reason, she turned around and gave one to her grandmother and one to me. I’ve done a lot of things wrong in my life but I tell you I must be doing something right here.
— The Stinkerbell (@thestinkerbell_) May 7, 2020
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Damn, same as yesterday. . . . . . #parentmemes #parenting #momtruth #dadhumor #moms #dadbod #fat #parentinglife #dadlife #momlife #parentinghumor #dadsofinstagram #momsofinstagram #temperature #momproblems #parentingmemes #dadbodszn #dadproblems #instadad #fever #lifewithkids #lifeofdad #toddlers #dadstuff #dadjokes #dadmemes #weightloss #parentsofinstagram #kidsaretheworst #dad
My kids asked me what I wanted for Mother’s Day & I said for there to be no arguing & then they all started arguing about who would probably be the first one to start an argument.
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) May 7, 2020
Getting out of bed to go check your wallet for your credit card security code before your husband realizes what you’re about to spend useless money on more shorts that won’t fit is an extreme sport.
— The Michelle Dempsey (@MichelleDWrites) May 3, 2020
"Daddy, I want mommy" is the new "Let me speak to your fucking manager."
— Stone Cold Daddy (@Stonecolddad316) May 7, 2020
Me: I should have sex with my husband tonight.
My vagina by 9 PM: pic.twitter.com/9QJa8DBys4
— Arianna Bradford (@TheNYAMProject) May 8, 2020
Starting a “Math without Tears” program.
I’m gonna be a zillionaire.
— Lessons from the Minivan (@FromMinivan) May 7, 2020
I don’t know what’s going to kill me first, the murder hornets or my kid asking for snacks every 10 minutes.
— Mommy Needs A Life (@mom_needsalife) May 5, 2020
When I said I wanted to get out more, I was not picturing myself wearing pjs in my driveway at 1:00 AM digging through the trash for my daughter’s retainer, yet here I am.
— The Mom Who Knew Too Much (@Gilapfeffer) May 6, 2020
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That is correct. Pansies are NOT my favorite flower. In all truth, I rather hate pansies. Luckily, we got gal friends like this to keep ‘em straight. . PS….If you see @dadandburied, could ya slyly mention it’s “peonies”? Peonies, peonies, PEONIES! Cause he ain’t gettin’ it, despite years of discussion and the fact they’re ONLY in season precisely around Mother’s Day. Luckily he has other qualities. 🤷🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️😘 . Xo, @momandburied . . . #mothersday2020 #mothersdaygifts #mothersday
Do you know a funny-as-hell mom or dad I should be following? Leave their Twitter or Instagram handle in the comments.
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