Welcome to another installment of “parents just barely making it,” better known as, the funniest parenting memes & tweets this week.
Quick side story – do you know how they say death comes in threes? I think minor life annoyances follow the same rule.
I moved last week. It was horrendous. Life was finally getting back to normal. I have everything in my place set up – for the most part – and a new couch gets delivered this weekend. My living room is empty right now and looks like a yoga studio.
The place is finally starting to feel like home.
Yesterday, in the middle of the day, the power went out. I assumed the issue was happening to everyone in the building. I waited about a half-hour, realized I could get nothing done until the power came back on, so I went out and ran some errands.
I come home…still no power.
I walk over to the complex manager’s office and ask what’s going on. I’m the only person to report the power is out. She sends over a maintenance guy. He flips the main breaker at the bottom of the building. My power comes back on. He leaves.
Twenty minutes later, the power goes out again.
I walk back over. The maintenance guy comes back. He calls the electrician. The fuse is overheating and needs to be replaced. This is only affected my apartment.
This all took about 4.5 hours.
Alright, life, that was three things. Enough of this shit.
These jokes put me in a better mood.
Please enjoy this week’s dad jokes, parent complaints, mom puns, tweets, and rants every parent will appreciate.
My kids don't have to do the dishes after dinner if they have homework and now they're silently calculating which is worse.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 30, 2021
Nobody:
My cat at 2am: pic.twitter.com/R5QWctBNTV
— 🪓Mommy Spooky Jeans 🔪🎃 (@mommymemejeans) September 30, 2021
My son just asked me for a second breakfast of "mommy toast" which means he wanted me to pretend to make it for myself just so he could steal it off my plate
— mean things I say to myself (@meantomyself) October 1, 2021
Me: I really miss when you were little and pronounced cough drop like “cock drop.”
Teenager: [stares at phone and continues to ignore me]
— Julie Burton (@ksujulie) September 27, 2021
Someday my kids are going to eat their own pizza crusts, and then I'll have nothing for dinner.
— Laura Marie (@lmegordon) September 30, 2021
I’m gonna pee one more time before I go to sleep just so I don’t wake up in the middle of the night to pee even though I’m still gonna wake up in the middle of the night to pee.
-people in their 40’s
— Rhyming Mama (@sarabellab123) October 1, 2021
I know Dog The Bounty Hunter is busy, but when he gets the chance, I need him to track down my kid’s shoes.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) September 30, 2021
sorry I'm late but my kid needed me to pick up all these really cool pine cones
— Kevin The Dad (@kevinthedad) September 30, 2021
My wife is upset that I didn’t take out trash in her friend’s dream last night
— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) September 30, 2021
Got to my daughter’s elementary school an hour early so I could be 12th in line for pickup.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) September 30, 2021
thoughts and prayers for my wife. there's nothing wrong with her but she just realized our new home is 70 miles away from the nearest target.
— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) September 28, 2021
I found out tonight that it’s 𝐧𝐨𝐭 appropriate to refer to kids as “little fuckers” at a PTA meeting.
— Mommy Needs A Life (@mom_needsalife) September 30, 2021
Potty training is fun because I love cleaning five different public restroom toilets only for them to keep telling me they changed their mind
— Satirical Mommy (@SatiricalMommy) September 30, 2021
Most of my cardio comes from climbing the walls.
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) October 1, 2021
Did you know that simply replacing your cup of coffee in the morning with a refreshing glass of water can leave you both hydrated and in a terrible mood for the rest of the day?
— Maryfairyboberry🧚🏻♀️ (@maryfairybobrry) September 29, 2021
Having a kitchen window overlooking your neighborhood is a great way to let your neighbors know you have no life & wash dishes 24/7.
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) September 29, 2021
Me: Great news! I got rid of the ants in the bathroom
My kid *in tears*: Noooooo! Those were my friends!
— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) October 1, 2021
I have 4 kids in sports and all I can think is WHAT THE FUCK
— Marcy G (@BunAndLeggings) September 28, 2021
son: can I have your phone?
me: no
son: can I have your phone?
me: no
son: can I have your phone?
me: no
son: can I have your phone?
me: WHAT'S SO IMPORTANT?!?
son: I want to look up what it sounds like when a giraffe farts
me: why didn't you lead with that? have a seat.
— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) September 30, 2021
Overheard my daughter’s friend on FaceTime telling her Dad to please stop singing because he’s embarrassing her so obviously I did what any Dad would do and finished the chorus for him.
— NicholasG (@Dad_At_Law) September 30, 2021
kids today will never know the joy of playing a def leppard cassette in a teddy ruxpin.
— MΦrρhιηε✮Drεαɱzz (@MorphineDreamzz) October 1, 2021
https://twitter.com/CrockettForReal/status/1443926175450079234
Today I’m an asshole parent for letting my daughters ice cube get smaller
— Professional Worrier (@pro_worrier_) September 28, 2021
Screw the silent treatment, give him the speaking treatment.
— Jawbreaker (@sixfootcandy) September 30, 2021
My husband asked me what I need at Target… Target will tell me what I need thanks
— Mom Jeans (@momjeansplease) September 28, 2021
me: can you PLEASE get dressed faster we are late
5: YOU HATE ME EVERYONE HATES ME
me: i just want you to get dressed
5: FINE ILL GET DRESSED BUT I KNOW YOU HATE ME
me: ᵖˡᵉᵃˢᵉ ʲᵘˢᵗ ᵍᵉᵗ ᵈʳᵉˢˢᵉᵈ
— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) September 30, 2021
******
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