Just The Notes

Note #809 – Impasse

Note #809 copy

I’ve written about my morning routine before. I’ll spare everyone the details, but to do everything I want to do by daybreak, I need to get up at 5 am. The 5 am wake-up call is crucial in the mornings when the kids are here because once they wake up, all hell breaks loose, and the morning no longer belongs to me.

The 11-year-old asked for a 5 am wake-up call. I refused.

“Why? You wake up at 5 am.”

“Yeah, I’m waking up to be productive. You’re waking up to play video games.”

He did his best to argue that waking up early to beat a level of his game was incredibly productive. He made strong points.

I tried a different tactic.

“You’re young. You need as much sleep as possible.”

Note #809

Seriously, the kid barely sleeps. He inherited the “midnight seems like the perfect time to ponder everything” gene from me.

“I sleep fine. I’m always awake before you come in and wake us up anyway.”

That’s a lie. I know he’s asleep. I need to shake him like a mixed drink until he wakes from the coma. Even though it’s tough for him to fall asleep, when he’s out, he’s unconscious.

By the look on his face, I could tell that he was ready to work from another angle. I need to unholster the big guns. I needed to hit him with an irrefutable fact that he’d be unable to poke holes in, dance around, and find another slant around.

“If you play games that early, you’ll wake up your sister, and she’ll be in a mood. Do you want to deal with that all morning?”

The question brings silence. I won, and we both know it. He knows that waking up his sister creates a monster scarier than any final boss in his video game collection.

“Fine. How about 6 am?”

After a few more minutes of discussion, we settled on 6:20 am, ten minutes earlier than usual.




Bread is just a vehicle to get butter into my mouth.

We’re just different than our parents.

The horror stories people shared after watching this Reel were nuts.


My celebrity parents are strangers to me.

@chris_illuminati Also please tell me who those people are K thx #celebritylookalike #discover #celebs #whoisthis ♬ original sound – Chris Illuminati617

Fingers crossed

@chris_illuminati I’ll take it! #ShowUsYourDrawers #10years #fypage ♬ Thats What I want – mafraud

I forgot the assignment.

@chris_illuminati I mean he’s a god, can you blame a fella? 🤣 #MakeItGucci #disney #marvel ♬ original sound – Chris Illuminati617

That’s all I’ve got, kids. Please do me a favor and subscribe to the website and never miss an update. Ever.

And if you haven’t checked out my line of customized Post-It Notes with 3M, you should do so immediately!

I love you all.

Except you, Greg. Screw you.

– Chris


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Chris Illuminati is a freelance writer and published author. Follow him on Twitter (@chrisilluminati), Instagram (@messagewithabottle) or email him at cilluminati@gmail.com.

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