We’re slowly approaching the holiday season. Halloween is right around the corner. Thanksgiving will be here before you know it. You’re going to wake up one morning and BOOM it’s Christmas.
OK, now that you’re in a bad mood, you’ll love these jokes even more.
Please enjoy this week’s dad jokes, parent complaints, mom puns, tweets, and rants every parent will appreciate.
Me: Your dress is on backwards.
Me: Did you wear it like that at school? On picture day?
7: I had a lot on my mind.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 14, 2021
Wife: Why is the rum out?
Me: [gesturing to kids]
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) October 14, 2021
I like to think I’m pretty easy to live with, but then someone in my family goes and wastes an ENTIRE ZIPLOC BAG on ONE fucking blueberry and omg somebody give me the strength to make it through this day
— Deena Lang (@itsdeenalang) October 14, 2021
My wife teaches high school math and half of her time is spent just making sure that none of the math problems she gives to the kids end up with an answer of 69 or 420
— Average Dad (@Average_Dad1) October 15, 2021
My 5 y/o woke me up to tell me she had a dream my office was invaded by gorillas and I saved everyone using just a hammer so apparently she thinks I’m a Mario Brother for a living.
— NicholasG (@Dad_At_Law) October 15, 2021
Whoever coined, ‘time flies’ was clearly not a parent waiting for bedtime
— Maryfairyboberry🧚🏻♀️ (@maryfairybobrry) October 14, 2021
Send help! My kids are trying to outdo each other telling bad jokes, so they can be like their daddy
— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) October 15, 2021
Currently at a pumpkin farm that has 800 activities for kids & zero alcohol for parents.
What level of hell is this?
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) October 10, 2021
Daughter just wandered in after being put to bed and I hid the ice cream I was eating like it was an illegal substance.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) October 15, 2021
Yesterday while working on homework my teen asked me what “a MTV” was and it’s like, FINALLY, a question from high school I actually remember.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) October 15, 2021
Parenting tip- never smell a teenage boys shirt to see if it needs to be washed. Just trust me on this.
— Mommy Needs A Life (@mom_needsalife) October 11, 2021
When my daughter cuddles with me she likes to rest her head on my arm because "it's softer than a pillow," in case you're feeling bad about your physique today.
— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) October 12, 2021
what i think i will do with extra time: exercise, read a book, clean my house, take kids on a fun adventure
what i actually do: scroll the same 4 apps on my phone til im late to make dinner
— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) October 12, 2021
I’m staring out the passenger side window trying to have a music video moment but my kid keeps ruining it because he has to poop
— Mom Jeans (@momjeansplease) October 14, 2021
A couple of friends asked if I wanted to go on a carb free diet with them through the holidays, so now I need new friends.
— Jawbreaker 🎃👻🍬 (@sixfootcandy) October 14, 2021
Me: You have to go to sleep in your bed
5: You know I’m going to sneak down while you’re sleeping and get in your bed
Me: Yes I know
5: how about we skip straight to the me sleeping in your bed part then
— Professional Worrier (@pro_worrier_) October 15, 2021
my wife and i are sleeping in a full size bed at my grandparents house. it's great to know what sleeping in a double coffin is like.
— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) October 14, 2021
MORE FUNNY STUFF TO READ