The holidays are here whether we’re ready for them or not.
This year, I’m hell-bent on having a good holiday season. I don’t know why. I just decided last week that I’m going to make the best of the holidays, approach everything with an open mind, and if things go wrong I’m going to turn the experiences into a positive.
And if that approach fails, at least I’ll have some funny stuff to talk about here and on Instagram.
Speaking of the holidays, a quick reminder about gift ideas, especially stocking stuffers for men. I’m partnering with Manscaped once again to offer my readers a 20% discount and free shipping on any Manscaped product. Just use this link and the discount will automatically be applied.
Alright, let’s have some laughs. Please enjoy this week’s dad jokes, complaints, mom puns, tweets, and rants every parent will appreciate.
Everything okay, honey? I noticed you barely touched the brakes when we passed that couch on the curb.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) November 3, 2021
Laundry is fun because you get to wash the same things over and over again
-My 5 year old, not quite getting it
— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) November 5, 2021
Me: the dog shit on your crocs
Me: don’t say it
Husband: What a croc of shit
— Professional Worrier (@pro_worrier_) November 4, 2021
I smell like icy-hot right now, if you were wondering what *sexy smells like.
*being over 40
— Emily ™ (@emily_tweets) November 5, 2021
A brief guide to putting up with people’s bullshit.
Don’t. The end.
— Jawbreaker (@sixfootcandy) November 4, 2021
I should put a bowl of this Halloween candy in my office in case anyone wants some.
-Me, working from home. Alone.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) November 1, 2021
My final words probably: I think I’m dying you know what I’m probably fine you’re busy I’m sorry
— Mom Jeans (@momjeansplease) November 4, 2021
i feel bad for my hair because it has to sit atop this lumpy potato body instead of some gorgeous model who could take it so many more exciting places and instead it just goes into walmart and gas station bathrooms with me
— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) November 4, 2021
made the mistake of believing my kid when he said he didn’t want me to buy him cheesy bread
— Kevin The Dad (@kevinthedad) October 31, 2021
9: *staring out the car window*
Me: Whatcha thinking about? *figuring YouTube or Harry Potter**
9: What happens when the world dies?
— NicholasG (@Dad_At_Law) November 4, 2021
ONE OF OUR KIDS FOUND SOMETHING IN THE FRIDGE BY MOVING SOMETHING ELSE AM I DEAD IS THIS HEAVEN AM I DEAD
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) November 4, 2021
I haven't failed at finding a parenting style that works, I've succeeded in discovering hundreds of parenting styles that don't.
— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) November 2, 2021
5-year-old: I drew a flower that's also a lion.
Me: So it's a… dandelion.
5: *blank stare*
Me: I'll tell you that joke again when you're older.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 4, 2021
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