The 11-year-old summoned me into the bathroom to take a look at his poop.
Dad life. Amma right?
This didn’t sound like a “whoa, check out this turd!” kind of request.
He sounded alarmed. As if something showed up in the bowel that he wasn’t inspecting to come from his bowels.
Either that or he clogged the goddamn toilet again.
I was expecting the worst and the latter.
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I’ll spare this fine audience the intricate details but to paint a picture let’s just say BM just looked a little different than the common garden hose turd younger kids typically drop off at the porcelain pool.
Imagine contrasting shades of brown Play-Doh braided together like a pretzel stick with assorted colors mixed in.
“Why does it look like that? Am I ok?”
He recently recovered from a 24-hour virus and doesn’t exactly load up his plate with fruits and veggies. With how little he eats, I’m surprised the kid has bowel movements at all.
“I’m not poop doctor but I think you’re fine.”
“Alright, but what are those…things…inside?”
“Again, I’m no dung expert, but sometimes our crap just looks different. Don’t let the expression ‘same crap, different day’ fool you.”
“Does your poop ever look like that?”
“I mean it has…kinda? Would saying yes make you feel better?”
“Yes.”
“Ok, well then yes, it has looked similar on many different occasions.”
And then we both stood there for a few moments longer inspecting the specimen.
I’ll share with everyone the honest truth, my poop never looked that odd, and I’m currently looking into Doctor of Defecation certification programs in my area.
PARENTING NOTES YOU MIGHT HAVE MISSED
- Parenting Note #758: Other Worlds
- Parenting Note #761: Tipping Of A Different Kind
- Parenting Note #756: Refunds
- Parenting Note #753: Method Acting
- Parenting Note #752: Photogenic
- Parenting Note #751: Intermission
- Parenting Note #750: I Can’t Fricking Believe It
STUFF I DID ON INSTAGRAM THAT YOU PROBABLY MISSED
The biggest takeaway from this video is that people think I have a funny way of saying water. Blame my New Jersey upbringing.
Even if their mom or dad is famous and successful, kids will find a way to knock them down a peg or two.
OTHER THINGS I DID WHEN I WASN’T WRITING NOTES
ON LAST WEEK’S EPISODE OF “WE RUN THIS”
I like funny people. I especially like funny people who love running.
This week, we spoke to comedian Dan Lamorte. At 23 years old, Dan found himself in a hospital bed suffering from a fatty liver and tipping the scales at over 354 pounds.
He knew a change in diet and lifestyle was necessary. He dropped 171 pounds and ran an ultramarathon.
Listen to Dan’s amazing and funny journey now.
STUFF I DID THAT DOESN’T INVOLVE STICKY NOTES
I’m working on expansion packs for the popular family games What Do You Meme Family and Grounded For Life.
What’s an expansion pack? Well, when a game gets really popular, people tend to play over and over. This means the questions and answers get repetitive after hours and hours of gameplay.
An expansion pack is an additional pack of questions and answers added to the game to keep things fresh.
I can’t wait for players to read these questions and answers. I was laughing thinking and writing up new questions and answers and I think kids and parents will laugh just as hard reading the new cards.
I’m also working on another game that will be just as much fun but I’m not allowed to talk about that game yet. More info soon!
Other stuff I wrote…
- Want To Be The ‘Director Of Taco Relations’ For McCormick’s? The Job Pays $100K
- 4 Ways Investing Like A Billionaire Isn’t Financially Smart
HERE’S WHAT I’M READING: “Don’t Drop The Mic” by T.D. Jakes
I’m not really a religious person but that doesn’t mean I can’t take something from the messages.
I’m a fan of T.D. Jakes and often watch some of his sermons on YouTube. This book is about the importance of the spoken word and why the way we speak and the words we use matter.
Here’s one of my favorite T.D. Jakes moments. If this doesn’t make you want to read or listen to him, I don’t know what will.
HERE’S WHAT I’M EATING: Magic Spoon
Sometimes I do indulge in the morning but Magic Spoon doesn’t really feel like an indulgence. It’s everything people love about breakfast cereals without the sugar, carbs, and crap.
Blueberry will change your life. Trust me.
HERE’S WHAT I’M WEARING: Mile One Sucks
The pain of the first mile is written all over your face. Why not put it on your shirt too?
Also, I now have other merch too. You should check it out.
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Finally, one more reminder to send in your questions for “Ask Chris Anything.”
If you have a question – any question – shoot it over to messagewithabottle@gmail.com.
Thanks, everyone.
Have a great week, and be kind to one another.
– Chris
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